Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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