Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
