Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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