I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Text me some of your sweat
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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