You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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