she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
