And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
