You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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