Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
