I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
