But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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