Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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