I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
