he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
