my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
