mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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