need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just saw a hot homeless man
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
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