I heard we made out
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize