so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize
