Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize