I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
