I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I know her cup size but not her name....
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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