dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
