that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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