In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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