I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
