i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
