Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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