I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i think my tv is drunk
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She's the barista slut.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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