I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
