All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
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I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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