The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
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Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
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We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete