Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
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You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
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Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.