Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
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The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
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yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.