I need to stop coming to work sober
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
