did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.