I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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