Non-Jews are for practice
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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