You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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