I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize