I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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