Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
