nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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