this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize