life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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