Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
