Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
