if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
