He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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