You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
