he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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