Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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