she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
