Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
