woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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