I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
