drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
