Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
