It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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