You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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