I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
