He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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