I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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