i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
