I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
