I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
