No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
