my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
